it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
