then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
