im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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