Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
