Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
