If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
