Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
