I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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