why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
