Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
