You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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