I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
