I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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