No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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