shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
