Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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