I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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