sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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