i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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