your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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