its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
