Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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