I just made out with a guy for $7.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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