Pregnant stripper...not hot.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
