i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
