Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
