we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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