umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
