I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
