My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
