Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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