doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We left an ass print on the piano.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
