They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
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