Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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