I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the day after is always just damage control
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
