Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
