A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
