If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
