WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
