i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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