I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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