Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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