We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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