White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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