Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
