so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i think im in europe. pls send help
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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