you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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