I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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