what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
