Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
