Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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