there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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