Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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