You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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