She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So here I am, sexting at work.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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