A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
